Being Mum, Being Me

Fresh Season, Fresh You

We often think about January being the start of the new year, but for me September has always been a fresh start to the year. Being a teacher, Autumn has always been a new start and time to think about changes that can be made. Usually we’ve said goodbye in July for the summer and then spent family time enjoying summer fun. This year has not been so straight forward. With lockdown and working from home with my toddler it’s all blended into one busy, hectic and uncertain time. Despite the uncertainty that still surrounds us, I’m determined to make sure this Autumn is the usual reboot for both me and my family.

I remember growing up the excitement of the new school year starting. Organising a new pencil case, making sure the uniform was all ready and organised to go, imagining all the new learning and opportunities the next school year would bring. I’m not ashamed to say I am still the exact same. I love the preparations a new school year can bring, it holds all the hope and anticipation of a January new year but without the exhaustion and of a manic festive Christmas just days before.

As I prepare for the new school year and prepare my little one for a change in room at nursery I can’t help but think about the past few months. I’ve been so lucky to spend so much more time with my little one during the past five months and wholeheartedly appreciate every second. We’ve not spent so much time together since I was on maternity leave and while it’s been a challenge balancing working at home and the local restrictions it’s still been a blessing to be together. Of course it’s only natural to feel anxious and apprehensive about changes and I know I am going to find it hard to leave him everyday.

It’s in my nature to make lists and plan for things in my head. I just love a fresh start. We’ve just started to get back into a routine of childcare and set bedtime, as hard as that is right now I know it will make things easier in a week or two. Things naturally fall into place and I have no doubts that within a month, the summer will feel like a distant memory. So here’s to a new start, a fresh season offering time to reset and renew. Let’s take time to reflect on the past few months and realise the changes we’d like to put in place for this next chapter of the year. Lunchboxes, name labels and diaries at the ready, it’s never a wrong time to make a fresh start

Selfless Self Care

One of my favourite writers, Gretchen Rubin, once wrote about how doing good to others can make you feel good. She also wrote that to do good to others you’ve first got to feel good yourself. Self care is a hot topic in today’s ever changing world and it’s something I’ve been considering a lot lately.

We often think we are taking care of ourselves by squeezing in a few minutes here and there to watch a movie, have a bath or sit with a cuppa. The problem is these mini snapshots of self care aren’t planned for and we don’t get to embrace them fully. Being a working woman and mum to a whirlwind of a toddler I often spend my last dregs of energy doing the ironing or picking up the toys I find in every room of the house. But it has become increasingly important during these past few months that we need to look after ourselves. Our mental health is vital in being able to cope with the constant change of our lives and to make sure we can be there for others in the way they need us.

Self care is the ideal way of helping us recoup, restore and re-energise. It gives us time to learn about ourselves and what we actually enjoy doing. It doesn’t have to be elaborate it can be the simple things but it is important to plan it into our busy lives. By all means make the most of impromptu self care moments that crop up throughout your week but also make sure you plan in times where you can be you. Do the things you love and enjoy and the things that make you feel happy and at peace. It might be painting your nails, cooking your favourite meal, taking a nap, listening to your favourite music or taking time to write down the things you are grateful for. It really doesn’t matter what it is or how big or small it is but doing what makes you happy and thinking about yourself can make a world of difference so give it a go.

I’ve recently celebrated my birthday and when asked by my family what I would like, i thought carefully about what would really help me be me and make me feel happy. From a favourite perfume to breathe in as I take 5 minutes to a new speaker to listen to my favourite feel good tunes on… it doesn’t really matter what you get as long as these things are things you enjoy and can self-indulge in when you take your planned self care moments.

Self care isn’t selfish. I’m going to say that again, just in case you needed to hear it again. Self care ISN’T selfish. It’s 100% necessary. Look after yourself because you are the only person who actually can. Do the little things that make you ‘feel like you’ and embrace it. You will still have time to wash up the dishes and play peak-a-boo for the hundredth time but you’ll do it feeling calmer, happier and more at peace. So go and enjoy some time for you, doing you!

Go read this…

If you haven’t yet seen this then, grab a cuppa and take a look. It’s a fabulous, free, local magazine for women by women. There is loads of interesting content plus inspiration for supporting local businesses.

You can also see my ‘Mum-ing in Lockdown’ article on pages 52-53. So proud to be included in this issue. Many thanks to @queenbeemagazine. Give them a follow on instagram and support this free, local magazine.

The right way…

Do you ever get the feeling you’re doing something the wrong way? Let me re-phrase that… Do you ever get the feeling you’re doing something the right way? Is there a right or wrong way? Is there even a way?

Our lives are constantly bombarded with rules, top tips, and guidelines to make sure we do things right. There are pages and pages of people online showing their ‘new found way’ of doing something that works so well. They end up with thousands of followers of people trying to replicate their methods.

While there is some good in all of the above (and I find myself ‘repinning’, sharing and following these people myself) it can sometimes feel disheartening. Feel that you are not doing a good enough job and what you are doing… is somehow wrong. Whether it’s to do with work, how you dress, the way you decorate your home, cleaning or being a parent. There are so many ways of doing things that mean you don’t need to copy and replicate what you see. Just find the parts of what you see that work for you, use a range of them with your own ways and see what happens. There are always going to be things that don’t work out as you’d wished and other things that go so much smoother. You’ll most likely find it isn’t big changes that make a difference but the little things that help things run smoothly.

Do you ever find yourself telling someone about the way you do something or something that you’ve started doing and immediately their response is, ‘oh well I do it like this…’ . Unfortunately it’s in a lots of people’s nature (mine included) that we automatically respond to conversation by trying to improve things. Trying to give suggestions and tips to help. I’ve recently (and yes I may be a little slow to the game) realised that actually we probably need to become better listeners. Instead of immediately responding with our own story or suggestions, it might be more beneficial and self-building to the other person if we simply listened, acknowledged and offered praise, support or sympathy instead of a bombardment of our own intentions. Knowing that someone is really listening to you and not trying to change what you are saying to their own agenda, can build confidence in yourself that you are doing a good job and doing what’s right for you. Unless of course someone is asking for advice, then go ahead. But for now lets become better listeners and let both ourselves and others know that there isn’t always a right way or wrong way but many ways to do things and doing something in a way that works for you. It’s your life – do it your way (with a few hints and tips from others thrown in like sprinkles on your favourite cake).

Grateful, Greatful, Gr8ful

In a world which can often seem to ‘kick your ass’, there is one word that is everywhere at the minute. Grateful. Gratitude is the new black right now and I couldn’t agree more. Over the years I’ve started a few Gratitude Lists, but as with many things, without it being part of a routine I ended up not doing it for long.

The surprising thing when I did complete a daily list is that it wasn’t difficult to think of many positives about my day. There were ample things I was feeling grateful for every single day. Even on those tougher days when life likes to throw all kinds of ‘crap’ at you, there were always little things that had been mini rays-of-sunshine on a cloudy day.

Of course there are some situations in life when trying to find something positive is harder than usual. There are so many different aspects to our lives; health, relationships, friendships, work, hobbies, homes, our environments… that there are always positives to be found.

I recently read that sending out positive thoughts into the universe is an open offer to invite more positiveness back to ourselves. Whatever your views on such things, it’s a warming thought that we can invite positivity into our lives. So why not give it a go!

I recently purchased a little book which has changed my daily habits. It’s a gorgeous daily planner from https://theinspiredstories.com/ called one day at a time. Firstly, it’s beautiful but it’s also been so useful in helping me be more organised and think about the good parts of my day. It’s helping me build gratitude into part of my daily routine, so that I can stick to it, and it’s making for a more positive outlook towards the little things in the day. From sitting in the warm sunshine as I have an evening cuppa, to the way my little one looks at me when he giggles, to being able to spend 5 minutes in peace reading a book.

So why not send out your request to the universe by sharing a little thanks for the good things. They make life worth living and keep us on our toes looking for them. Be grateful, be positive, be happier.

N.B. This is not an ad for https://theinspiredstories.com/ just an appreciative post for their beautiful products.

Justifying your pain!

If you’ve ever been through something emotionally painful, the main thing you always here is…talk about it, it helps. ‘A problem halved is a problem shared’ and all. Well this may be true and yes talking about what has happened may very well make you feel lighter but it can sometimes make you feel like you’re in a competition.

Unfortunately, some journeys to motherhood are not as smooth as they should be. Unfortunately some journeys to motherhood take far longer than we’d ever expect. Unfortunately, some journeys to motherhood have many corners to turn and heartbreak to live with. If you’ve ever been through a journey to motherhood you’ll more than likely know what I mean.

While some women’s journey carries this pain, it’s only when we start to talk about what has happend to our friends and loved ones that we start to realise a few things. Either that as much as they try to support, they don’t really understand. Through no fault of their own, just simply that their road to motherhood was a smoother journey. These people can give great comfort and hope to us but it can be very hard to relay our true feelings to them and connect about our story.

There are other friends and family who have sadly also had a tiresome and painful journey to motherhood. And while our conversations together can be bonded with mutual pain, heartbreak and understanding, no two roads are the same. Even more sad is the fact that others may have had and even harder journey than ourselves and our talking about how we feel and our story can make us feel that actually we’ve had it a lot simpler than some.

No matter what your journey to motherhood. No matter what trials you may or may not have faced. It’s not a competition. While others may have had a far more grueling experience, it doesn’t take away from the pain and hurt you may feel. If you find yourself talking about your feelings one day, don’t pause short of the real emotions you feel. Be true and kind to yourself, as you have lived with every emotion along your journey and these have made you into who you are. If you find yourself sharing your story with someone who has had a longer, seemingly more painful experience, share your stories together with understanding that other people’s pain and heartbreak thresh-hold might be very different from your own. It doesn’t take away from the feelings you have. You’ve been through enough, don’t make talking about it yet another scar to bare.

What makes you happy?

If you’ve ever really sat down and thought about that question then you’ll probably have realised that it’s not as easy to answer as you might first think. While everyone’s idea of happiness is different, it strikes me that actually the things that bring us real, deep happiness are most likely very similar.

As I’ve mentioned before, I have never really been a massive reader. I love to re-read books I like but I often can’t find one that appeals to me or I start it and time just gets take up with ‘more important’ things. However, recently I read the book ‘The Happiness Project’ by Gretchen Rubin. I was about to go to hospital and decided I needed a book as a distraction from my thoughts while recovering. I can’t even remember what I searched for during my internet search for a book but when this came up I immediately clicked to have a closer look. The book arrived a few days later and couldn’t wait to start reading to find what makes people happy.

I’ve found the only way to keep my attention is to read books that I can truly relate to. I hadn’t started my own happiness project or anything but I loved the way Rubin wrote and could relate to her organisation and search for finding something big in the small things of life. Anyway fast forward towards the end of the book when Rubin reflects on her 12 months of changes and one that massively stays with me is; What makes you happy?

At first it made me think of hobbies, of which until starting this blog I can’t say I really had any adulthood hobbies. Then I thought a little deeper and of course seeing friends and family and watching my little one grow up was a massive part of happiness to me. Then I decided to really think. What makes me happy? What makes me content from the inside out? What makes me feel at peace, wrapped in warmth and light? What makes me happy? If this is the part where you are expecting an answer then I’m sorry to disappoint. Reading and writing more has given me the opportunity to feel my way around this subject and it’s clear that knowing who you really are, faults and all, and accepting these things is a massive part of it. Whoever you are, the good, the bad and the ugly are all part of you and while some parts we try to hide and change it’s the hiding and changing which can make us unhappy. Accepting who we are and loving ourselves for it, in my opinion is a fast track ticket to beginning to understand happiness.

Muming in Lockdown

Being a mum can have it’s ups and downs at the best of times, being a mum during lockdown can be like swimming against the tide with a small army of sea creatures throwing washing, home learning, cooking, playing, tantruming children and an array of toys at you, all from a 2 meter distance of course!

Whatever your feelings on lockdown, if you look carefully there are as many positives as negatives. As a working mum I have cherished the extra time I have been able to spend with my little one, watching him grow and change before my eyes. With all the wonderful weather, we’ve spent days just playing in the garden, eating ice creams and splashing about in the fancy, new ‘lockdown’ pool we just needed to have. Those are some of the good days, the up days.

Then there are the down days. Like the first weekend of lockdown when my darling little one smashed the widescreen telly with a thermometer (yes at the beginning of lockdown I was probably more worried about the thermometer). And the days when working from home on an important zoom call, I get the sinking feeling that the house is a little too quiet and find he’s pushed the fridge water dispenser, for who knows how long and has flooded both himself and the kitchen floor! It’s only looking back on it now that I find it funny, at the time it’s stressful and annoying.

Whatever your home/work situation is at this time, it’s important to remember you’re doing a great job. Even on those down days when life just seems so much harder to get even the simplest of jobs done, you’re still doing a great job. You and your children will look back on this time one day and think, wasn’t it lovely we got to look after each other at home and learn to be a family again without all the usual hustle, bustle and distractions.

Being a mum during lockdown has actually taught me many things. While my levels of patience vary from day to day I realise it’s family times like these where we really become ‘Mum’. If the ironing basket is always full and the toys are all in a pile in the middle of the room for the third day in a row, it’s times like these we need to remember to take a step back and be grateful. Grateful we are safe at this time. Grateful we have our children and families close (even if a phone call away). Grateful we can make memories we will look back on and cherish for years to come. Grateful we’re not missing the little things in life, it’s the small moments that matter most sometimes.

Anxious? Stressed? Exhausted? Safe? Rested? Grounded? However you’ve been feeling during this time, and for me it’s been a whole daily mixture of emotions, every feeling you’ve had is valid and part of our journey as mothers. Remember without the down days, we would never realise the blissful feeling of those precious happy days. xBx

It’s OK to make mistakes!

Well we all make them. Big ones, little ones, some we make over and over again. It’s part of our nature and us mums are no exception. Since being a mum I’ve come to realise just how scary life is and how many decisions a day we actually have to make. It’s exhausting! From deciding the small stuff like what’s for breakfast, which toy shall we play with first and which little t-shirt looks the cutest (even though it will be stained and ruined within minutes). The big stuff like should my little one go to nursery, when should I step in to help/stop a situation and is this bump something to worry about or another time for me to over-react.

There are so many occasions where we could easily make a ‘mistake’ and most of the time it’s of no lasting significance. But we must remember we are role models for our little ones and no matter what happens we need to make mistakes to be able to learn, grow and make better choices in the future. Right from day dot we are told mistakes aren’t good and the negativity that is surrounded by the idea of mistakes is oppressing. But really we should be embracing our mistakes. In the classroom I’m often saying to children, ‘It’s ok, making mistakes is what helps us to learn’ and saying this often and living by this is what turns their little worried faces into strong, resilient characters who only go on to make better, informed choices int he future.

Going forward, let us remember that any mistake is an opportunity to learn and let’s not hide from them, big or small. Let us show our children that we make mistakes too and it’s OK.

How’s your growth mindset ?

Some of the best things about being a mum are all the new things your start to discover about yourself. You can multi-multi task, you have more patience that you didn’t know was even possible and you can play imaginatively for hours on end with a cardboard box, to name a few. But within being a mum you can also be at risk of losing yourself and your own interests and continued learning.

As a primary school teacher I’ve spent recent years looking at and researching how having a growth mindset can have a big impact on children’s attitude to learning new things. In short, growth mindset is all about having an attitude of patience, enthusiasm and above all resilience. Knowing that trying something new can be worthwhile but also knowing that it’s ok to make mistakes along the way and that in the end perseverance will lead to achievement.

As busy mums we often forget about our own continuous learning and the passions we have. It’s important to remember that you are still you and you need to work on yourself as well as helping your little one develop. If your little one grows up seeing you have a strong, hard-working and resilient attitude towards tasks and projects they will learn life-long lessons of having the right attitude and experiences and develop their own mindset towards growth and self worth.