Mental Burn-out

Each day as a parent is so different from the last and you never know what kind of day you’re going to get when you’ve got little ones. If fact… scratch that. Each hour as a parent is so different from the last. We live moment to moment trying to make it through, trying to make the right decisions and trying to make happy memories.

The majority of the time things don’t go to plan and we have to adapt and change things as we go along. Children of any age (some grown ups too) have no concept of timings and things can take forever, like trying to get a coat and shoes on to leave the house. Alternatively a well planned and resourced activity you’ve spent time planning and setting up can be over with in under 2 minutes!!

There’s nothing more frustrating than when things you’ve planned don’t run smoothly and the day to day chores, activities and routines become a hard slog of constantly repeating yourself and feeling like a nag.

The ultimate downside to all this is the impact it has on your mental and physical energy. It’s exhausting when things are constantly changing and you find yourself adapting every little thing along the way. When your little ones repeat the same thing over and over and over again. When you have to make a game out of everything to encourage them to do anything at all.

There is no easy or quick way to fix this but there are some small changes that can help in the day to day.

1. Be organised where you can. Mornings and bedtimes are times of that day that are the most consistent in our house. If I can get the clothes out ready and bags, shoes and coats by the door ready for the morning, get the pyjamas and bath things ready for each night time then I feel like I’ve shaved off a few minutes of chaos int he say. It’s only a small win but small wins add up

2. If it all gets too much and you feel yourself about to blow (there’s no shame in it, we all have times it just gets too much and you need to take 5) don’t forget the advice you would give your child. Count to 10/step away/look out a window/tap each finger…anything that will give you a minute for the adrenaline to stop rising and to ground yourself. It’s not easy but if you’re at that point it’s necessary.

3. Change expectations. It’s always when you have spent time and energy planning a nice activity or day out or planned something with others that it all falls apart and seems to go wrong. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself in those moments. It’s ok if everything doesn’t run smoothly and where children are involved it’s very rare it will ever go as planned. So if you prepare for changes and expect things to adapt it won’t be as frustrating when it happens.

4. Don’t try to do it all. As busy mums we put pressure in ourselves to do everything and make everything perfect. As much as we try we can’t do everything, every day. There might be days your energy levels are higher and you are more motivated to fit more in but not every day. If you planned to tidy up, clean, food shop, build a Lego toy, go to the park, cook a healthy dinner and sort out that overflowing cupboard then prioritise a few of those things, balancing jobs to do and quality time with the children. When rushing from job to job, without realising you are lessening the quality of the time you are with your children as you kind is already in the next task. Slow down, do less jobs but do them better.

5. Remember this is such a short timeline. Something we are all guilty of. Our children won’t stay young forever. Everyone always says it goes so fast and with busy lives it so does. Alongside this heartbreaking fact remember that all the hard things right now won’t last forever either. There won’t be little toys everywhere in a few years time. Yes there will be other difficult things that drain you mentally and physically but they will be different. We learn to deal with them as they come.

Life can be so draining and some days it’s just too much. I know, I’ve had a fair few of them too recently. But make the most of the days you are motivated and don’t be hard on yourself for the days the burnout is high.

Being mum at Christmas…

It’s the most wonderful time of the year… yeah but it’s also the busiest! It’s so true that being a mum to little ones at Christmas is just magical. My eldest is just starting to really understand what Christmas is and all the fun that goes with it. The look on his face every time we see a Christmas tree or Santa is just bliss. It’s so heartwarming to see but bittersweet to know that actually the ‘magic’ of Christmas only really lasts a few years before ‘Santa’ is an uncool memory. But I am determined to make the most of each year until that sorrowful time.

To be honest I’m still trying to juggle life as a mum of two and trying to keep on top of things. Long gone are the days when I used to be ahead of the game but I literally can’t believe how must muming at Christmas can be!

There are so many things we want to do and go see but we just can’t seem to fit them in. Weekends are so short and the weeks are too busy with playgroup, work and general life. It’s just another thing to put into the balance but trying to remember that it’s these thing that will build lasting memories in my little ones heads is what makes it so worth it.

Let’s face it, everyone has at least a few special memories of Christmas traditions and things they did with their family. Even if your family is a little up and down, the magic of Christmas as a child is a memory that burns bright for most.

All we can do is try to enjoy the moment and make sure we build those magical memories for our little ones and for ourselves as we watch it all unfold.

Here’s to a very merry and busy Christmas to remember forever. Especially after the quietness of last year, go make some noise with your loved ones! x

Snowballing

There is no doubting that being an adult is a full time job. Life is so busy with day to day things to do. A house to run, shopping to get, emails to reply to. Then there is work on top of that which takes up so much energy, effort and brain power.

I mean I thought life was busy being an adult… then I had kids! Being a mum of two is amazing and I love every minute. I actually love the madness of it all and being organised about day to day things actually makes me feel content.

With one little one at pre-school and the littlest at home with me I can just about keep on top of daily life each day. We try to do little jobs each day to keep on top of things and try to make sure we have some restful downtime at home as well.

This is all well and good until life has other plans. It’s only takes someone getting a cold or a new baby tooth popping through to disrupt the fine balance of getting things done. In the last month each of us have had illnesses and it has definitely taken its toll.

Why is it when one thing goes a little awry, it unsettled you and then things just snowball. We’ve had one thing after another recently and it just snowballs. It becomes exhausting, beyond tiredness, becomes so hard to get back on top of things and back to some sort of normality.

Well that’s just life though isn’t it. The ups and downs and round and rounds. And while I dream of a simple, easy life it’s these things that make life interesting and build our character day on day.

Problem is, life is busy enough right now but it’s getting towards the end of maternity leave and it’s time to think about going back to work. I just don’t know how I’m meant to fit work into life nowadays! I know many others have busier lives and I marvel at how they manage to get it all done. I know I can do it, I have to, and with being organised and keeping on top of the daily things it will all be ok. It’s just those times when poorliness creeps in or exhaustion takes over it just seems impossible.

This is where I need to remember that being a mum comes first. Looking after myself so I can be a good mum comes before first and to just do what you can when you can. The rest will come. While I know it stresses me to not have all the ironing done, or toys all over the living room floor. Adding work back into my life means re-prioritising things and making sure we are a happy and healthy family must come first.

For goodness sake… let it burn!

I’ve got this candle. It’s a pillar candle with roses engraved into it all around. It’s very delicate looking and pretty. So I got this candle about 12 years ago, I was out shopping with mum in Laura Ashley and was trying to feel more grown up than I was so I bought this beautiful candle.

For years I’ve had it sitting on the side. It’s changed rooms occasionally, I’ve moved house a few times over those years, each time packing it carefully, placing it in a box all wrapped up until it reached it’s new home.

I’m not really a massive ‘candle’ person. I do like them and form time to time I tend to burn them especially as I usually get a few each year as presents. I particularly like to light them in the Autumn/Winter when the evenings draw in and get cosy. However this one candle I wouldn’t dream of ever lighting, it just wasn’t ever an option. This might sound ridiculous and it probably is but I just always thought it looked too nice to burn and go all wonky with the melted wax and it felt too special and ‘expensive’ to just light it. For me it was a ‘display candle’, I mean I even used to dust the thing!

So recently I’ve been trying to live life more in the present with varying degrees of success. I’m trying to have a bit of a clear out of some of the rooms while on maternity leave and just want to get organised in life (success of this still to be determined) and I’m also working hard to build ‘self care’ into my daily life.

Self care comes in so many different forms and part of the organising and clearing out is part of that too but one thing I like to do it have a bath or read a book or just watch telly in bed with a cuppa. Whenever I have a bath I tend to put a small candle or two on and recently I’ve lit one in the kitchen in the evenings to add a light smell of something nicer than cooked dinner. But never have I lit this rose pillar candle.

So now baby number two is in his own little bedroom I have reclaimed our bedroom to be ours. I’ve had a bit clear out, deep cleaned it and made it pretty, grown up and calming to help with getting a peaceful nights sleep (in between night feeds)! And in the back of my head I thought it would be nice to have a nice candle in here I can light when having a rest in the evening…

So here you have it. I’ve moved the rose laden pillar candle to our bedroom and I have now lit it three times. I know! And the first time I was actually stupidly hesitant. Like I was about to destroy something beautiful. It’s still a beautiful candle and now I get to see it in all its glory, shining bright with a twinkling flame. The warm colour of the flame comes through the upper roses making them look warm and golden and it’s every bit as beautiful as it should be.

Why have I not done this sooner. I mean 12 years I’ve had it. I guess sometimes we put off using things or doing things that we think are special. We save a special candle, don’t wear an outfit, hold off on using that favourite item for a special occasion. But when you think about it, there nothing more special than today. We might not have tomorrow or the perfect opportunity to come around. We know it will be enjoyable and bring us great pleasure but we think ‘naa I’ll save it’ and then that time just never really comes or comes so sparingly that it doesn’t seem like a treat.

If you’ve got something you’ve been saving or something special you’re waiting to use. Go get it out and use it, wear it, eat it, do it. It’s a form of self care and it’s amazing how bringing a bit of ‘special’ into everyday can make you feel. ‘Just burn the bloody candle Karen!!’

Reasons to get and stay fit…

Everyone has their own motivations for getting fit and keeping fit. (It’s important to remember that you should do it for your own reasons and not for show or for others). So in no particular order…

1. To be healthier.

2. To improve fitness levels.

3. For better mental health.

4. To keep up with running about my baby boys.

5. To fit into my clothes better.

6. To have a positive routine.

7. For a little bit of quiet, alone, me-time during the week.

8. For fun.

9. For fresh air.

10. To be healthier, fitter and happier to help me be a good mum, hopefully for longer.

The highest of highs…

Being a mum definitely has highs and lows. It’s a given that within each day you will go through a rollercoaster of emotions but it’s important to remember to pay attention to those highs. They keep you going through the rest of the day and without realising it they are building the snapshot of precious moments to keep as memories.

Now that things are finally easing in the world and we are joining more and more freedom we have been trying to venture out and about more with our boys. Our biggest boy has missed so much interaction over the past year and a half that we need to now try to make up for it all.

We recently took him to a simple ‘inflatable’ venue where he could burn off some of that boyish toddler energy. Not only did he have the best time jumping, running, falling around he helped us have fun too! Something parents can easily forget about with some much to do all the time.

The simple look of pure happiness on his face and the sound of those precious giggles melts me every time and it was a wonderful feeling to see him having the best time. It makes me feel guilty that the world shut down on him just as he was starting to love interaction and the fun it can bring. But I’m so pleased it’s time to start living life again and making those moments to treasure forever.

Day in, Day out…

It goes without saying that no two days are ever the same, especially with two little darlings. Since the recent lifting of restrictions we’ve tried to get out and about a little more. Whether that’s play dates, trips to the shops or a full on days out we’ve been trying to make up for all the lost experiences and interaction from the past eighteen months. There aren’t many days that we spend at home all day, especially now the weather is much brighter but those days can feel either like a relaxing retreat from the world or like you’ve invited a hurricane inside!

Then there are the same routines and mum-jobs that need doing each and every day whether we are at home or out and about. It’s these that can make mum-life seem exhausting. From trying to get us all up, dressed and fed in the morning, to sweeping and vacuuming the crumbs under the dinner table for the sixth time each day, it can be draining doing the same things each and every day. You may have heard the well meaning advice from others such as ‘leave the housework’ and ‘don’t worry about the washing and ironing, it can wait’ and it all comes from a good place. However these things can only be left for so long before disaster hits. I used to be the type of person who likes to do a ‘big house clean’ each week and top up throughout the week. I loved the feeling of having every part of the house done at the same time and it feeling fresh, clean and tidy. However my two little additions have meant I just can’t do that anymore and even if I did it would all be undone within seconds. Nowadays I’m trying to take advice from popular podcasts/social media and books to do ‘little and often’. I’m trying to get a couple of little jobs done each day so that things don’t get left too long and we still have time to get out and about or defeat the tantrums or just make the most of family time.

It can take time to adjust to a new routine and change of pace with life but it’s important to remember not to put too much pressure on ourselves or cram too much into life, no matter how much we’ve missed recently. Likewise it’s important to not leave things too long and let them build up into something unmanageable. Do what you can, when you can and let’s appreciate the day in, day out activities we often take for granted.

That Motherhood Glow

Photo by Miguel u00c1. Padriu00f1u00e1n on Pexels.com

Having recently given birth to my second son I’m beginning to feel a little bit more like ‘me’ again and on these ‘good’ days where I manage to get showered, wash my hair (or at least brush it) and  put make up on, I start to feel that ‘glow’ of motherhood. When it comes to babies it’s common to hear of the ‘pregnancy glow’ where everyone compliments you on your blooming bump and the happiness on your face of the excitement of becoming a mum (or relief the end of a long pregnancy is in sight) but there’s that special type of glow you only see on a new mum’s face. It’s a mixture of complete exhaustion and relief that a gruelling pregnancy and labour are over and baby has arrived safely giving you a completely full heart. It goes without saying that not every new mum has the same experiences and of course becoming a mum can also co-exist with difficulties, sadness and unimaginable heartache. But whether it be for a few brief seconds or an entire lifetime ‘mum glow’ is a real thing.

Being a mum to a new-born and a toddler is no walk in the park, in fact the day to day challenges have been so much more demanding than I imagined. The sleepless nights, the constant feeding, the toddler constantly pushing boundaries not to mention potty training! However there are moments everyday (some shorter than others) when I just feel that ‘glow’. The warm feeling of a full heart and the magic of having brought new life into the world alongside each captivating milestone. It’s a special type of glow that builds from within and radiates in the most beautiful way. Now, combine all that with a fabulous tan (be it real or fake) and the perfect make up highlighter of course and your ‘glow’ transcends to the next level.

So now that summer is around the corner and life is finally beginning to get back to normal, let’s remember to take a moment to be grateful for the little things, love the ones we hold dear to our hearts and radiate that glow from the inside out. Add in that favourite cheekbone highlighter and you are good to go…so let’s get out there and start living the lives we’ve all been dreaming of for the past year.