I’ve got this candle. It’s a pillar candle with roses engraved into it all around. It’s very delicate looking and pretty. So I got this candle about 12 years ago, I was out shopping with mum in Laura Ashley and was trying to feel more grown up than I was so I bought this beautiful candle.
For years I’ve had it sitting on the side. It’s changed rooms occasionally, I’ve moved house a few times over those years, each time packing it carefully, placing it in a box all wrapped up until it reached it’s new home.
I’m not really a massive ‘candle’ person. I do like them and form time to time I tend to burn them especially as I usually get a few each year as presents. I particularly like to light them in the Autumn/Winter when the evenings draw in and get cosy. However this one candle I wouldn’t dream of ever lighting, it just wasn’t ever an option. This might sound ridiculous and it probably is but I just always thought it looked too nice to burn and go all wonky with the melted wax and it felt too special and ‘expensive’ to just light it. For me it was a ‘display candle’, I mean I even used to dust the thing!
So recently I’ve been trying to live life more in the present with varying degrees of success. I’m trying to have a bit of a clear out of some of the rooms while on maternity leave and just want to get organised in life (success of this still to be determined) and I’m also working hard to build ‘self care’ into my daily life.
Self care comes in so many different forms and part of the organising and clearing out is part of that too but one thing I like to do it have a bath or read a book or just watch telly in bed with a cuppa. Whenever I have a bath I tend to put a small candle or two on and recently I’ve lit one in the kitchen in the evenings to add a light smell of something nicer than cooked dinner. But never have I lit this rose pillar candle.
So now baby number two is in his own little bedroom I have reclaimed our bedroom to be ours. I’ve had a bit clear out, deep cleaned it and made it pretty, grown up and calming to help with getting a peaceful nights sleep (in between night feeds)! And in the back of my head I thought it would be nice to have a nice candle in here I can light when having a rest in the evening…
So here you have it. I’ve moved the rose laden pillar candle to our bedroom and I have now lit it three times. I know! And the first time I was actually stupidly hesitant. Like I was about to destroy something beautiful. It’s still a beautiful candle and now I get to see it in all its glory, shining bright with a twinkling flame. The warm colour of the flame comes through the upper roses making them look warm and golden and it’s every bit as beautiful as it should be.
Why have I not done this sooner. I mean 12 years I’ve had it. I guess sometimes we put off using things or doing things that we think are special. We save a special candle, don’t wear an outfit, hold off on using that favourite item for a special occasion. But when you think about it, there nothing more special than today. We might not have tomorrow or the perfect opportunity to come around. We know it will be enjoyable and bring us great pleasure but we think ‘naa I’ll save it’ and then that time just never really comes or comes so sparingly that it doesn’t seem like a treat.
If you’ve got something you’ve been saving or something special you’re waiting to use. Go get it out and use it, wear it, eat it, do it. It’s a form of self care and it’s amazing how bringing a bit of ‘special’ into everyday can make you feel. ‘Just burn the bloody candle Karen!!’
Being Mum, Being Me 